the sadest realization

lets talk this over, from the beggining.
I had a boyfriend, he was my best friend but thats all, love his company but he was not really husband material if u know what i mean, he is childish, lazy, doesnt work, doesnt know how to behave, sucks his thomb n cryes all the time, but i still love him. cuz hes my friend, and thats about it.

them something happened, i met someone that made me feel special for the 1st time, he was everything to me, and i loved him more than anything in this world, he cared for me.
but he also lyed a lot. He was maried and i dint know, when i found out i forgave him because he said he wanted me so much he wouldnt risk to loose me, and i love him, so i always closed my eyes. i forgave everythink because of the love i felt for him n the lyes he told me that made me feel special n wanted.
until we moved together
he changed
he wouldnt ever take me out.
he would never be there for me when i needed him
i missed him so much, i needed him so much n i was so afraid to lose him that i kept my eyes shut.
if i couldnt take it anymore i would ask him about stuff n all he would say is 'u r hearing voices in your head?' or ' just dont worry' or 'why dont u trust me?'
i wanted to trust
my heart wanted to trust, but i just couldnt
but still i was afraid of losing him because he had turned to be my heart, my soul my everything.
and then things gt even worst.
he wouldnt come home for days, n nights, n dont pick up the phone when i ring, n say 'i was at my friends house, why dont u believe me?' i know u werent! i know that u were not with your friend but i know as well u werent alone neither, n then everytime i opend my mouth to ask something he would just leave another night.
and i suffered so much.
now he asked me a time apart
but i couldnt believe him word this time, i knew he wont leave me to be alone but with someone else, because once upon a time i was the other one, with him in the car when his phone wont stop ringing, now im the person calling him, and i know, i know hes lying to me. i opened my eyes!
so i broke up with him, told him to take his stuff.
i didnt wanted to suffer
but now i am
what if he was saying the truth? what if my intuition was wrong? i love him so much.
im suffering like i never sufered in my life,
he was mine, why did he changed? what happened along the way that made him realise he doenst want to be with me no more?
i found out lifes gt no meaning without him, and its killing me
painfully
cuz i felt for him what he never felt for me
love
n it hurts